It is Sunday, it is wet, and the house is a complete and utter shambles. It is less than a week until Christmas, the arrival of relatives and the unwrapping of a heap of further coloured plastic. Cue frantic nesting type instinct which involves trying to straighten out the house and dispose of all the coloured plastic from last Christmas. This is, as you may imagine, an arduous task while trying to supervise 4 kids, 3 of whom are pre-schoolers. As I polished windowsills, sanitised bathrooms, tripping over children with what seemed every step, I issued orders about ‘putting your toys away in your own room’ all of which fell on deaf ears.

At one point I was flapping sheets and duvet covers trying to make the beds when I saw Ben watching the cat curiously as it cleaned itself. I explained to him that the cat licking itself was the cat ‘having a bath’. I went to the airing cupboard and came back with my clean sheets to find a totally bemused cat lying on one side watching in astonishment as Ben licked his way up his back.  After 3 hours of sorting and cleaning against the tide of 4 infants promptly unsorting in the name of ‘playing’, we decided to give up, feed them lunch and go out. 

The rain was torrential and options were, therefore, limited. We decided to go to an outdoors store then a DIY store to stock up on some hamster sawdust (yes we get to look after the little vampires while Anna enjoys a peaceful Polish Christmas), some hamster chew treats, and some door hooks. 

Arriving at the outdoor store, we immediately began to suspect that we had made a grave error. The level of energy was far too high to allow us to safely contain the kids even in an outdoors type store. We made our way as quickly as we could to the hamster section. Feeling relief that we had managed to make it there with all 4 kids in close proximity, Mel looked at the sawdust while I tried to ascertain which of the vast collection of cereal like treats were suitable for Hamsters. And that, that, was the critical error. As twin parents, we know that one parent should always supervise the infants while the other does the job in hand. We relaxed and dropped our guard. As I examined some Carrot nibble sticks, I heard Mel exclaim…’oh no, they’re not’. As I turned my gaze, I could only reply ‘oh yes, they are.’ 

Sited about 4 metres down the aisle sat 2 two year olds, sadly both belonging to us, with their trousers round their ankles sitting upon get yellow plastic dog bowls. As we approached, they got up, pulled up their drawers and proudly announced ‘Look, we did potty’. 

Mel and I have a kind of ad hoc system that works out roughly fair. I knew without asking that today was my turn. I tentatively carried the brimming dog bowls to the tills. After waiting my turn in line I calmly explained that my twins had mistaken the dog bowls for potties. The till operator looked so horrified that I quickly  added that I would be happy to clean them out if he could direct me to the facilities. An emergency tannoy appeal was launched, and I was duly escorted into the staff quarters and presented with a loo, a sink and some antibacterial hand wash. 

The deed done, I returned the bowls to an embarrassed member of staff who said that at least it was a story we could tell at the twins 18 birthday party. When I told Mel this, he just laughed and said, by next week, they will have outdone this little incident. You know what, I fear he is right!  
#funnykids #pottynightmares #funnymummy