The Worlds Shittiest Tooth Fairy!

Hurrah for me, officially the shittiest tooth fairy ever. I have performed this particular parenting role so badly that I have actually had to re-write the universally accepted tooth fairy laws.

It’s simple, right? Tooth falls out, child puts it under their pillow, and when they are asleep, the tooth fairy aka Mummy, swaps it for a pound or two. Surely no-one could get something so simple wrong, I hear you cry! Well I did, not once, not twice, not even three times. Four times. On four separate occasions I have failed in the simple task of swapping a tooth for a two pound coin.

The first time, I couldn’t believe I had forgotten. When a sleepy headed 4 year old crept into my room to announce that his tooth was still there, I panicked. What could I say? Before I knew what was about to come out of my mouth, I heard myself explaining that he must have been lying with his head on the pillow directly above the tooth. Even the most magical tooth fairy’s magic would not be strong enough to get in there. I continued  by advising him that fairy protocol in these situations required the fairy to come back while the child was eating breakfast, and do the crucial swap then.

As he ate his breakfast, I stealthily crept upstairs and did the swap. He was delighted, and I was relieved. Well, I will never make that mistake again, I thought to myself. But I did, 3 more times in fact.

So it was, that at 6 am on Saturday morning, I was laughing with Patch, who now finds it hilarious that he has outslept the tooth fairy every time. He giggled at his own cleverness as I carefully picked ‘fairy dust’ out of his ears (obviously left by the fairy as it tried in vain to get to the tooth under Patch’s very sleepy head). Cue a frantic run upstairs during breakfast, and a tooth still in my dressing gown pocket.

In our house, it seems, the tooth fairy protocol has now been re-written for good. Any child whose tooth gets taken while they sleep will be deemed to have lost the tooth fairy game. I am only relieved that I managed to make up for my shitty parenting by being a bloody quick liar!



18 thoughts on “The Worlds Shittiest Tooth Fairy!

  1. rhymingwithwine

    Take a bow lovely! This is parenting ingenuity at its very best! My Dad keeps threatening to tell my kids that when they have a tooth fall out, the tooth fairy will sneak into their bedroom and take the tooth and in return will leave them a lovely shiny £20 NOTE!!?? Gah!!?? I think that my tooth fairy excuse book will also need to be coming out when the time comes!

    Great post x


  2. whitecamellias

    This post is brilliant! Worry not, there is still a chance to get it right 😉 I’m not at this stage with my little ones yet but must prepare good excuses now just in case 😉 really great post. X



  3. Christie

    haha this is great! Neither of my kids have lost any teeth yet (although one just found out that it will be happening in a year or so and is now terrified) but I will keep this solution in mind as I can see myself completely spacing out!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. rightroyalmother

    Amazing! When the time comes I will probably rival you in ‘shittiest’ category … but for now it is amazing to read this … gives me hope/strength that I won’t be the only one who doesn’t do fairying very well! #abitofeverything

    Liked by 1 person

  5. pinkpearbear

    This cracked me up! Fair play Mama, you are officially the best blagger and I think you should be proud of yourself for making the tooth fairy thing EVEN more fun and exciting!! Thanks for linking up with us. #bigpinklink


  6. Agent Spitback

    Hahaha…thank goodness I am not the only one! Luckily you could make up something on the spot! My child actually found his tooth which I keep and had carelessly tossed in my room. There was ALOT of explaining I had to do. Thanks for sharing with #abitofeverything

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Rosie (@greenrosielife)

    I once had a to write a note *from* the Tooth Fairy explaining that she was unable to get the tooth from under the pillow of my son as she had hurt her arm and couldn’t lift the pillow to rescue it …. when of course I had simply forgotten to swap it at the midnight witching hour and by the time I remembered my son would have woken had I tried 😉 #abitofeverything

    Liked by 1 person

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