Mummy never goes out. Mummy has 4 children aged 6 and under. Mummy’s idea of an ace night is PJ’s, and Indian takeaway, a bottle of Chardonnay and bed by 10. Last night mummy broke a 10 year ‘going out drought’ and went out. 

Last night mummy had grown up gin and tonic with juniper berries, and felt very sophisticated. Then mummy had pizza. Not just any pizza. Grown up pizza with fancy stuff like blue cheese and beetroot. Mummy had some wine with her pizza. Mummy felt tired and wanted to go home, but was persuaded to go to a wine bar. After a couple of glasses of wine, Mummy forgot she was in her 30’s. Mummy started acting like she was in her 20’s. Mummy liked the wine so had some more. Then someone suggested dancing. That sounds fun, thought mummy.

Mummy shook her wobbly bits to Taylor Swift and table danced to Justin Beiber. Mummy hates Justin Beiber and Taylor Swift, but since mummy was in her 20’s last night, she liked them. Mummy had a great time. Then mummy started to feel tired and went home. Mummy didn’t have her keys, so sat outside and fell asleep. Then mummy made it to bed, but fell and bumped her head on the way.

This morning, Mummy definitely feels her age. Mummy’s head hurts. Mummy’s wobbly bits are reminding her that they prefer not to be shimmied to a bit of J-Lo and are much better tucked safely in PJ’s by 10 pm. Any residual thoughts that it may have been worth it were doused by the early morning arrival of 4 small people who variously shouted, sat on mummy, kicked her tummy, and played hairdressers while mummy played dead. 

Then grandma called. She is coming round for lunch. She wants mummy to cook eggs. Mummy doesn’t want to cook eggs. Mummy wants to lie in a cool dark corner for the next few hours.

Mummy is now very well aware that she is not in her 20’s. Mummy is definitely in her 30’s. Mummy will now remember for at least the next 10 years why it is a very bad idea to go out, drink lots of wine, and shake her wobbly bits to Taylor Swift. Tonight, mummy will be in bed by 10pm.